I can’t say I’ve ever really stuck to the path, but I guess I’ve kind of wandered on a track? While I am a massive fan of parenting without absolutes, there has been a certain amount of comfort gained from at least being able to have some sort of recognisable philosophy to attach myself to. If only somewhat.
The last year, for me, has been pretty jarring. The depth of the needs of my children and the reality of how long term their quirks and difficulties are a lot to come to terms with. I guess I thought that many of the issues we had been dealing with were something that would be grown out of or made better. And I had to face the fact that I needed to change the way I parent my kids.
Does this mean I’ve gone to hitting, arbitrary punishments, and standardised school-at-home? Absolutely not. But we do have visual charts, pretty strict morning and night routines, and a tutor. So basically, nothing like how I planned.
Suddenly even the tracks I had been treading seemed awkward and even the somewhat philosophies didn’t fit.
Also, what of blogging? I started writing here because I loved reading other blogs of people who walked a similar path and I wanted to add to those voices. I let people peek into our lives so that our version of normal would be more visible. To let people see that they could make different choices for themselves and their families.
When we started down the path of “what the actual fuck are we doing and we need to change lots of things” I knew I couldn’t put it into words, and some of it was simply to raw to share. And where would I fit in that online sphere? I’m not an unschool blogger, but we don’t school at home either. I am not going to solely focus on my children’s neurodiversity, but not to speak about it is to ignore a massive part of our lives and silence conversations that need to be had. My kids are too big to be talking about homebirth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc, so do people want to hear about chores and being on instagram with my kids? Maybe. I decided to just let it be for a while.
Fast forward to now.
We are the same family we were a year ago. We left the path and forged our own which has been equal parts terrifying and empowering. Still being my own guru and simply trying to make the best choices for us on any given day.
Then I came back to the blog. I was ready! I wanted everyone to take a peek again. I wanted families walking a similar path to see that they are not alone, and I wanted to add my voice to those already out there. So I tried to write and nothing came. I was getting so frustrated-until I realised that I was trying too hard. Trying to write these big, profound posts.
I thought about it, and actually I don’t have anything very profound to say.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of the internet, talking shit.
But hey, maybe the very boringness of our quirky life is worth blogging about.