Parenting without absolutes

by Shae on March 6, 2015



From comments I get and articles I read there seems to be a misconception that if you take away the firm rules and punishments of traditional type parenting then all descends into chaos. That if you don’t put your foot down about everything then your kids will be disrespectful assholes who are never guided as to appropriate behaviour.

That there is either good kids, order, firm rules and the opposite is naughty kids, chaos, and total lack of guidance.

NOPE. Not true.


For starters any article you read pitting parents as ANY form of “us against them” is almost always written as inflammatory clickbait and you should just walk away. And stay right away from the comments.

But mostly it’s untrue because parenting is not black and white and most of us sit somewhere in the grey. I know that both tiger moms and full on whatever whenever parents exist-but they are the minority.


At our place not having a set bedtime or set limits on screen time does not mean that there are NO limits.

We don’t use traditional type punishment, ย but that doesn’t mean the kids don’t get told off.

They can choose what they want to eat, but I do the shopping and they can choose from that. But birthday parties, holidays and on plenty of other occasions they can go wild.

I don’t necessarily let the rating of a game or movie decide if my child can watch or play, but I do take my knowledge of my own kid and where they are at come into the equation.

I am unapologetically schooling the kids about topics I’m passionate about (ethical food, religion vs science etc).

I used a dummy AND I breastfed my girls well into their toddler years. I had a pram AND a sling. We co-slept and I helped them stay in their own rooms when they were ready.

On the flip side, I know parents who have many firm limits AND let their kids have lots of freedom.


We don’t need to buy into the “either/or” bullshit.

We don’t have to pick a style or read a book and follow that thing to the letter.

They don’t know you, your kids, or your situation. And it’s exhausting to try and live up to some dogma.

Be your own guru.

Skip the absolutes and find your grey.























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katepickle March 6, 2015 at 11:54 am



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