Insomnia can go suck a dick

That’s how I feel.

All tired and blurry but wide fucking awake.

Writing incoherent blog posts when I want to be sleeping.

But I know how it will roll.

I’ll toss and turn in bed and be simultaneously exhausted and hyped up. My brain will be going and going.

I’ll try reading but get distracted.

I’ll consider a bit of  self-administered ”hand-relief” to release some sleepy hormones but be so completely not in the mood.

I’ll lie awake and start doing math about how many hours sleep I’m going to get if I fall asleep THAT MINUTE and the kids wake up early.

Sometimes I get so frustrated I cry.

And on a rare night I shut my eyes at 11 and wake at 7 and feel like I could rule the world.

But tonight we’re already past that point.

I’m thinking about what snacks I’m going to bake tomorrow and I’m writing a blog post in my head about painting.

I’m doing a mental budget for next week and wondering what time I’m supposed to be where I’m supposed to be tomorrow.

I’m thinking about finding a violin teacher and organizing a natural learners meet up group

The brain is on.

But the body is tired.

So I will at least switch the laptop off and lie quietly in my bed in the dark and hope that sleep finds me.

I’ll try counting backwards and clearing my mind.

And I’ll go and buy a fucking massive coffee in the morning.

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