Oh I’ve written this self indulgent wank of a post a few times and deleted it. But I’ve decided to press on.
I have always felt that I have never quite fit in anywhere. I get that I’m a bit odd and mostly I’m OK with that.
In fact I quite like who I am and have no desire to change.
But.
By not attaching yourself firmly to a crowd or 100% to an idea or whatever it is that makes you part of something can mean that you feel kind of on the outer. It can mean that when ties become firmer you can be left behind. Not seeking other’s approval can come across as not needing others.
I would describe myself as a confident, self assured person.
But sometimes I feel like a square peg in a sea of round holes and I feel that maybe there are no square holes for a reason.
I’ve worked really hard to shake the shame and self-hatred of my younger years that clung to me for so long.
Now I feel that niggle, that little voice in my head.
The one that says I’m not good enough, I should agree more, that it’s not OK to feel so damn happy with my life.
The one that says conform, be a good girl, be nice, make them like you.
But then I stamp that voice down.
I remind myself that I have people who love me, no question.
And that I deserve it.
That I am forced to grow from experiences that are difficult, and that is a good thing.
That being the odd one out or the one who doesn’t need everyone’s approval doesn’t need to be my problem.
So fuck those that it bothers.
I have better things to do.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Love you long time xxx
best comment ever
I wish I still lived close to you. You help give me the confidence to just be me… no faking it, no bullshit. I love the jumble that is you and your path. I love that you are accepting of others who don’t walk the exact same path as you. Just remember you are awesome.
well said. Youre a fantastic example to your kids. And that’s all that matters.
A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.
I love your squared-ness. Keep stamping that voice down. And if that doesn’t work, call me, and I’ll do it for you.
As for the others. Fuck ‘em. They truly don’t know what they are missing.
It is not you that is the square in the round it is “those” are not the right fit…..now you just have to find more of the squares.
Love this comment Katrina, agree completely! And conforming is boring x
you keep on being awesome square peg. love you for it.
too many roundies anyway
Don’t change who you are to fit others ideals. You’ll hate yourself for it and then the “others” will just find some other thing they want you to change.
Two quotes from Dr Seuss always ring true for me and I think they apply here :
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”
I’ve always found that I’m more comfortable on the fringes & most days am glad that I don’t really “fit” anywhere, it means I don’t have to conform.
Those who like/love you, do so just as you are x
Damn straight.
I have a hankering for those old playgroup days now and again. I miss my mates
But the internet is a thing TG and you are on it.
xox
I find this really hard to work out. You live your life totally different from mine. I would rather stick hot irons into my ear lobes than to have a baby at home without the instant drugs when I want them. I don’t believe in leggings as pants. You are unlikely to see me with shaved hair or drinking raw milk. Whatever. I have always found that if I accepted your right to do something one way than you have accepted my right to do it another. This is very rare for ‘square pegs’, most square pegs are not as tolerant as you are. Thus I would have expected that it was the opposite and you are never the odd one ‘left’ out. Rather that you were first on the list of people to be included.
But tolerance is a very difficult thing to offer, only those of high intelligence can do it properly…which leads to one thing – you must have been hanging out with intolerant dumb ass people! Time to yell ‘eat my dust’ as you leave them behind.
Come hang out in my weird part of the world anytime. I never fit anywhere either xxxxx
The odd one out gets to do their own thing
They get to fly through life, on their own wing
Their own plans, their own path, whatever the weather
So why be ‘the others’, SHEEP, who flock together?
Square pegs don’t need a hole
They have big hearts and a generous soul
And they were built to be strong
So, not fitting in, is absolutely never wrong
You’re the boss Shae, don’t give a care
about ‘others’ who seemingly don’t want you there
It’s not about you, it’s their personal issue
And they’ll be the ones, at night, who need their own tissue
So just care about you, and your own beautiful clan
And let your life be about your own personal plan
Don’t listen to them! You hold the key!
Just be Bold, Square and Odd. It’s the best way to be
xxx
Comment via poem! I love it!
Thanks
I’m a bit of a poem geek… can’t stop rhyming, even when I’m not trying… xx
OH I so hear you – I never fit into any group going through highschool, and I am still not sure which “Group” i fit into online (in the blogging world).
So I have learnt to accept who I am and I am trying to live by the saying “Its none of my business what people think of me”…but sometimes that little voice gets in the way!
It is not you that is the square in the round it is “those” are not the right fit…..now you just have to find more of the squares.
From 1 square peg to another, you rock
The first time I saw you, was on the dancefloor at DPCON. I kind of knew who you were, but hadn’t met you. I thought you were just so totally cool, totally funny and you rocked some awesome stripy leggings I think? I remember you more than I remember alot of other bloggers I met, you stood out for all the right reasons. I still think you are totally cool x
We have seven children and would love to have more.
We homeschool, unschooly style.
We breastfeed, co-sleep, baby wear.
We don’t do babysitters. I can actually count how many times each of our children has been left with a babysitter.
We don’t own a television and don’t ever plan to.
We don’t own a microwave.
We follow a vegan diet.
Guess how many friends this family has. I’m always feeling left out. Sometimes I think that if I just change a little people will accept me more. Then I remember that I think my family rocks and we’re just going to keep being us.
It can be tough huh xoxo
I could have written this, Shae. I’ve never belonged, not even in my own natal family, whom I’m completely estranged from (their choice). I have many, many, even good, acquaintances, and many people who write to ask me for advice or tell me how “inspiring” I am, but honestly, no real-life friends, beyond my husband and children. (Brutal honesty and now the tears…damn.) I too, think I give the impression that I don’t need friends or have my own questions…or something. I am confident. I do know myself and I’m exceedingly content with my children and husband and life. But there is still pain and loneliness sometimes it would just be lovely to have one other friend (who didn’t live hundreds or thousands of miles away) who I could love and maybe they’d love me back.
I’m sorry. Everyone else wrote really uplifting messages and here I go being all maudlin and shit.
I love your honesty-and the maudlin and shit xoxo
It’s hard because you’re wading against the blind masses, finding your own path. Don’t stop.
I have holes of all shapes in my life for pegs to fill. There’s definitely a space for you. You inspire me xox.
I hear you. Im exactly the same. I first noticed it in primary in year 6. Imagine that. Then i went to a different high school then everyone else. A all girls highschool. I saw it all my time i was their. Never had a bestfriend from high school. Now that im married and older i get it from the people who are my close family and people i know online. I have ever had one bestfriend and thats only because we lived across the road from each other even with her i felt kinda left out on some things but i could forgive her easier.
I have maybe one or two real life friends i dont get to see often anyways so still not sure if they are friends lol.
Your way of life, choices and attitude bothers certain people? My envy detector just went off! How dare you find happiness in your conscious decisions when so many others are whingeing about their lives?! I think that those of us who make choices that are against the grain can be very confronting to others who are less self assured and perhaps never considered doing things their own way. First comes defensiveness and then the envy settles in (that’s what I’ve seen, and it’s yucky to witness). You’re doing awesome, Shae, and are inspiring to many mothers, home birthing, home schooling, or otherwise. x
You don’t any damn square holes…. you’ve got me! God Damn It!
I don’t think there are any round pegs. If everyone was dead-eye-dick honest they would admit that sometimes they just don’t feel they’re in the right place with the right people. Best thing to do is leave (if you can) and find the good ones so that the majority of your time is spent with your tribesman and the rest is just a learning experience in how to put up with wankers.
*tribesmen
The odd one out feeling has plagued me all my life. The not belonging anywhere really hurts. The being left out constantly does too.
I wish I was like you.
Those who know you, love the fact that you are a square peg. I know I do. I respect it, admire it, and appreciate the strength that is needed and that comes from being a square peg in a a round world. We all have our own particular brand of crazy….I like it and gladly allign myself to it.
Fellow square peg! Have never felt I fit in either. Certainly don’t fit in with my family. Just been hearing the same voice as you in recent weeks…but I’m so bloody happy with me, my husband, daughter, dogs, plans. Fuck em. I never wanted to follow…cept on twitter
xx
Love you, lady.
Relationships with people are hard and tricky and fucked. XXX
I honestly think everyone feels left out, even the people who *look* like they’re all loved up with conformity. And I think the people who are the meanest and most exclusive feel it the most.
But it really sucks to feel excluded, especially with people you thought were friends.