Leaving the path

by Shae on April 27, 2016

 

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I can’t say I’ve ever really stuck to the path, but I guess I’ve kind of wandered on a track? While I am a massive fan of parenting without absolutes, there has been a certain amount of comfort gained from at least being able to have some sort of recognisable philosophy to attach myself to. If only somewhat.

The last year, for me, has been pretty jarring. The depth of the needs of my children and the reality of how long term their quirks and difficulties are a lot to come to terms with. I guess I thought that many of the issues we had been dealing with were something that would be grown out of or made better. And I had to face the fact that I needed to change the way I parent my kids.

Does this mean I’ve gone to hitting, arbitrary punishments, and standardised school-at-home? Absolutely not. But we do have visual charts, pretty strict morning and night routines, and a tutor. So basically, nothing like how I planned.

Suddenly even the tracks I had been treading seemed awkward and even the somewhat philosophies didn’t fit.

Also, what of blogging? I started writing here because I loved reading other blogs of people who walked a similar path and I wanted to add to those voices. I let people peek into our lives so that our version of normal would be more visible. To let people see that they could make different choices for themselves and their families.

When we started down the path of “what the actual fuck are we doing and we need to change lots of things” I knew I couldn’t put it into words, and some of it was simply to raw to share. And where would I fit in that online sphere? I’m not an unschool blogger, but we don’t school at home either. I am not going to solely focus on my children’s neurodiversity, but not to speak about it is to ignore a massive part of our lives and silence conversations that need to be had. My kids are too big to be talking about homebirth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc, so do people want to hear about chores and being on instagram with my kids? Maybe. I decided to just let it be for a while.

 

Fast forward to now.

We are the same family we were a year ago. We left the path and forged our own which has been equal parts terrifying and empowering. Still being my own guruΒ and simply trying to make the best choices for us on any given day.

Then I came back to the blog. I was ready! I wanted everyone to take a peek again. I wanted families walking a similar path to see that they are not alone, and I wanted to add my voice to those already out there. So I tried to write and nothing came. I was getting so frustrated-until I realised that I was trying too hard. Trying to write these big, profound posts.

I thought about it, and actually I don’t have anything very profound to say.

I’m just a girl, standing in front of the internet, talking shit.

 

But hey, maybe the very boringness of our quirky life is worth blogging about.

 

 

 

 

 

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Is this thing still on?

by Shae on March 31, 2016

Hi. Remember me? It’s been about a year, I guess. And what a year!

I’m not even sure how to start.

Everything is pretty much the same, but there have been a few more official diagnoses added to the fold. Childhood mental illness, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, processing disorders, and another kiddo on the spectrum. This has not changed the kids in any way, they are who they are, who they have always been. But it has helped me understand them, and help with the tricky bits. It’s also changed the way we home educate. A couple of hours of actual “school-at-home” on most weekdays happens now. Sure, it’s Waldorf/Charlotte Mason inspired. But it is happening. Along with a tutor and a pretty set schedule for the week.

I will admit that it’s not how I imagined it, and the transition has not necessarily been smooth. Yet here we are!

 

I was not sure how to continue with this blog. Can I still write about all of our life without crossing the line into oversharing?

I’ve decided that I’m going to try. I am not ashamed or embarrassed about who my children are. Their diagnoses and difficulties are as real and a part of them as if they were diabetic, and they deserve as much understanding and inclusion as anyone. Who they are is not a part of my identity, but being their Mother is. To ignore or skip over that part of our family is to keep reenforcing that we don’t speak of such things. AND WE SHOULD.

That said I’m going to be vague on specifics and the nitty gritty. I can tell you about what, but not always about who and why.

 

Our lives, and therefore the blog, are basically the same. A large dose of hippy-la-la parenting and home education, some backyard farming and real food, as well as my usual take on life.

I’d love it if you’d hang around…

 

 

 

 

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Missing out

by Shae on March 25, 2015

 

Every so often I fall for it. That we are not doing enough. That the cult of busy is where we should be.

There are a billion possible activities that the kiddos could be doing, and we have the time, so why not make our lives super busy for the sake of looking like a “good” Mum? That home education can be about MORE rather than being seen to do less.

So we signed up for all of the things the kids wanted to do and tried to squeeze in some set bookwork time. We went on all the camps we could, all the meet ups, all the play dates. We have spent this term running around and now I see what we are really missing out on.

 

Free time.

 

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The kids will miss out. Everybody’s kids do.

There is no possible way a child can have a go at everything. And why do we place such value on structure and activities busy over the creativity and interests and learning that stem from boredom?

 

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We chatted as a family and it turned out the kiddos were not enjoying themselves either, so I gave them the option to quit whatever they wanted.

There was much relief and more discussion and we have pretty muched halved our weekly organized activities.

So they are now missing out on those. And that is perfectly fine with me.

 

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Because now there is more space for play. More space for down time. More space to create. More space to follow their lead.

It feels like we’ve gained a lot more than the busy we are apparently missing out on.

They have all started a new project book, we have been baking, reading, making plans for excursions that won’t feel rushed, gardening, playing, and just having time.

 

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It feels like so much more than being locked into a life of busy. We are choosing to take time.

It doesn’t feel like we are actually missing out on a thing.

 

 

 

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Just don’t

by Shae on March 12, 2015

 

It seems I’ve been visited by the “everybody make uninformed comments” fairy so I just need to get some stuff off my chest. OK? Thanks.

 

 

JUST DON’T say that “Harper seems fine!” or her diagnosis is wrong. Even if you know us a little bit. You are not her pediatrician and you have no fucking idea of what goes on to help her manage a regular day.

JUST DON’T ask my kids if they wouldn’t rather go to school. Seriously, can people stop doing this already. Unless you want me to ask your child if they wouldn’t rather skip school.

JUST DON’T ask my kids to prove what they know. DO NOT give them maths equations to do in their head or ask them to read a sign. Unless you enjoy unbridled rudeness from their Mother.

JUST DON’T say another word about a girl with short hair. FFS I cannot believe in 2015 we still get comments about this. STOP.

JUST DON’T make any comments that infer that having three daughters and no sons is somehow a failing. That every family must have at least one of each sex to be whole and right. Fuck that noise.

 

Now I’ve gotten that off my chest let’s all have a biscuit.

860

 

 

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Parenting without absolutes

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Meditation mindfuzz

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Sort the sport stuff

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Official.

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  Last week Harper had her first full ballet class. I say first full class because she tried it a couple of years ago but slipped over on the floor before class started and was so outraged that it happened she declared that dancing was stupid and she no longer wanted anything to do with […]

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